More Than Enough

In a discussion I had with a friend the other day it occurred to me that at the core of my never-ending battle with insecurity, obsessive comparison, and other forms of addiction is a deep-seated root of discontent in my identity. In our discussion it occurred to me that the root of the sin of Adam and Lucifer was the same.

Discontent rears its ugly head in many different ways but for them this discontent manifested at the core of their identity. "I am not enough." Discontent is what led to Lucifer and subsequently Adam's temptation of wanting to become like God. "I am not enough, I need more than what God has made me to be or what He has provided."

So alongside the discontent came pride, "I can become like God, knowing good and evil." And so they--Lucifer and Adam--made their choice to seek autonomy from God choosing evil thereby gaining a new experiential knowledge of what it was to be in rebellion against the Creator.

The wild thing is that the forbidden fruit of rebellious pride has a way of perpetuating the lie of discontent in one's identity. Once eaten the fruit provides the illusion that one has become more in one's self than before. For a little while a sensation of autonomy, power & god-like status envelopes the mind creating an altered inflated ego. It is never enough however. Once the forbidden fruit has been tasted it leads its partaker down a cycle of unending discontent as each delusional episode reinforces the belief, "I am not enough. I don't have enough. I need more!"

I believe it is this cycle which has contributed to the manifestation of addiction and other related issues in my life. 

Which begs the question, "What's the cure?"

Simply, the cure is found in embracing the truth, "God is enough for me. In God I am enough and have all I need." And while this is a profoundly simple truth it is nearly impossible for those who have partaken of the forbidden fruit to comprehend.

Thankfully Jesus came to demonstrate and make this truth practical in our lives. Though we have brought ourselves to nothing and find in our autonomy that we are never enough, Jesus through his sacrifice on the cross reconciles us with the All-Sufficient One. 

By design the redemptive process is made available to those who have found disillusionment in the cycle of broken discontent recognizing the cure could never be found in the delusion of their own self-sufficiency. In addiction recovery circles this is commonly referred to as "hitting rock-bottom". God begins the rebuilding process bringing the contrite to a new state of mind and heart where they can say, "In myself I am nothing, but God is everything to me. In Him, I am and have enough."

In the beginning of Psalm 23, David writes, "The Lord is my Shepherd, I shall not want." At the very core of our relationship with our Shepherd we find sufficiency and provision which challenges our discontent and our delusions of grandeur as well.

Today's Trouble

I fall prey to the trap of analysis paralysis quite often.

I set out to accomplish a goal and before I even begin to achieve it I'm second-guessing myself and become totally overwhelmed by my weaknesses and shortcomings, my lack of skill and knowledge, and my odds of failure (rarely my odds of success!). Before I know it I'm paralyzed and in very real danger of causing my fears to become my reality simply for lack of trying.

As I was taking a walk today, I was thinking about the topic of my previous post--the fact that we're all living on borrowed time. It suddenly occurred to me that tomorrow is not even guaranteed so why am I so caught up in the results of my efforts?

Why not just do my best and leave the results of my efforts in God's hands?

Jesus said, "Don't worry about tomorrow, for tomorrow will bring its own worries. Today's trouble is enough for today." [Matthew 6:34, NLT]

Borrowed Time

Once there was a little boy who had a serious medical condition. So serious was his condition that he was told the doctor would have to amputate his leg to save his life. This, of course, was troubling as it would be even for the bravest of little boys. That boy prayed a special prayer and asked God to save his life and his leg, and if God did then he would become a missionary and share about God to others in far away lands.

God answered the boy's prayer. His mother decided to take him to a different doctor and he was able to perform a painful medical procedure yet was able to cure the boy's leg and save his life.

That boy grew up, married, became a doctor, and had a family of his own. Eventually he remembered his promise to God and made preparations to become a missionary doctor in Africa. For almost twenty years he served in Africa.

Then a strange and unexpected thing happened.

He discovered he had an awful disease called cancer. He received extensive treatment. Eventually, however, it did finally take his life, but not before the doctors had to amputate his leg. He was 54 years old when God took him home.

Who was this little boy who became a missionary doctor? He was my grandfather.

The other day I was thinking about his story full of so much life and, seemingly, tragic irony. It occurred to me that Dr. Bill had been living on borrowed time his entire life. The glorious truth is that while he lived his life on borrowed time he lived it to the fullest! He started a family, started a mission, and shared God's love with countless lives. 

He lived an abundant life!

His life verse and motto spoken by Jesus was:

"I must work the works of Him who sent me while it is day, for the night comes when no man can work." [John 9:4]

Dr. Bill's life is a reminder that none of us know how long we will live and the truth is that none of us are guaranteed even one more day. If you think about it, Dr Bill's entire family line wouldn't even exist if God had not answered his prayer! It is arguable that God changed the course of history simply because little Billy asked Him to!

No matter the challenges we face in life, may we never forget the Giver of Life and the gift we've been blessed to receive. 

May we always remember we are all living on borrowed time and that today and every gift in it is a precious miracle.

Yield

My Way

As a young teenager I once read a profound book about the spiritual life called They Found the Secret by V. Raymond Edman. This book I thought was quite revolutionary. Contained in its pages were 20 accounts of various followers of Christ that found the secret to living life empowered by the Holy Spirit. Something I could see at a young age as being essential for anyone who desired to follow Christ. My grandmother had given me the book in hopes that I would find it to be helpful.

However, after finishing the book I realized I really didn't understand the secret that these wonderful Christians of old had discovered. I prayed diligently begging the Lord to help me understand that I might be filled with His Spirit and it would seem at the time that my prayer was left unanswered and this left me in a desperate place. Deep down I wondered if there was something wrong with me that I would be so dense as to miss what seemed should be quite simple!

The book's message made an indelible mark and I never really escaped the weight of its message. I could see that these giants of the faith surrendered all and became great in God's Kingdom. So in very poor fashion I sought to fully surrender my heart to Jesus that He would have His way in my life too. I couldn't see though how even my desire for surrender was full of self and a desire to be in control, or maybe I did see it but didn't know what to do about it! 

This is the paradox of the Christian life and the quest for growth in the Spirit. The more I wanted to greatly honor the Lord the more it became a path toward seeking my own greatness. The more I desired Holy Spirit power the more it became a thing to possess rather than to surrender to. The more I desired gifts of the Holy Spirit the more magnificent in my imagination I would one day become.

I was full of insecure pride, covetousness and lust for power. The path up led me down a long and painful descent into the valley of humiliation and desperation. Little did I comprehend that almost every story shared in that book spoke of this valley that each of these dear Christians were led through. Little did I realize God heard my cry and made haste to bring me to a the place where I might begin to more fully receive the good gift of the Holy Spirit that I had asked for.

Along the way, messengers and sign posts were given all generally saying the same thing, "Surrender! Yield! Let Go! Give it to God!" These messages led me to the brink of madness, like someone pointing to a far-off landmark saying, "See! Right there! That one! Don't you see it? There! There! THERE!" And still it remained hidden from me. 

I remember one point in particular where a young ministry counterpart of mine said, "I believe the Lord has a message for you." 

I said, "Really!? That's great! What is it?" 

The person said, "The Lord says, "Yield!" 

I remember my countenance falling as I said, "Yes. I've heard that one before. Would you mind asking the Lord a question? Would you please ask Him what does that look like?" 

No joke, the person said, "OK, let me ask Him." and looked up at the sky for a moment and then looked back at me and said, "God says you're going to have to find out yourself directly from Him." 

This reply really upset me leaving me feeling teased by God. I began to think that such a notion of surrender was pop spirituality or worse, simply beyond my reach. 

Part of the struggle was because of a childish misunderstanding of the process. I thought the surrendered life meant I give God all my struggles, He gives me all His victories, and that life somehow becomes EASY. I didn't realize that while the surrendered life is necessary, it is not at all easy. 

The surrendered life is what we're being brought to when John says in his first letter, "I write to you young men because you have overcome the evil one." There is an implied battle one faces to come to the place of overcoming. The overcoming is perhaps a struggle of a lifetime but once we do enter that place of overcoming we come back to the simplicity of the gospel. "I write to you fathers because you know Him who is from the beginning". It's all about love and intimacy with God!

His Way

So what is the surrendered life? It is what Jesus said in the Garden of Gethsemane. "Not my will Father, but your will be done." We come to a place where we know the love of the Father is worth it all--even the struggle to come to that place. We may want the cup He has chosen for us to be removed but regardless we have become persuaded that His will matters most in this world even more than our own. In that place an exchange occurs where we have chosen to do His will and not our own. The secret is once we have been fully brought to this place of surrender the Holy Spirit comes to empower us in what we cannot do. 

Surrender is not easy, but it is worth it! To be surrendered is what God desires to bring each of us into however long it takes. It's worth it because His will is all love for us even if our will is all selfishness. His will is all goodness, even if our will is all unrighteousness. His will is peace, even if our will is double-minded. 

The Spirit brings us to this place and when it happens to whatever degree we will know a freedom and empowerment we have never known. We see from our very core that He is worth obeying and He provides the help to do so even if obedience rips us apart dividing soul and spirit, bone and marrow, separating life from death.

We need this kind of surrender for when the enemy comes to test us we must pass the test, not because our salvation depends on it or is in jeopardy--that was already guaranteed at the cross-but because the glory of our beloved Heavenly Father must be praised. It is what He brings each of us to. It is what God Himself has done for us--He yielded!

For me the journey I've been on was to overcome the enemy's challenge that pride, covetousness and the lust for power was the answer to my hurt; a hurt the enemy himself inflicted upon me to cause a rift in my heart leaving me feeling weak and insecure. I believed Satan's lies that a life lived in coveting lust for power in its various forms would help me cope with the insecurity of my heart. It was very seductive and for 30+ years I floundered. 

Though I knew Jesus I could not fathom surrendering that part of my sin nature to Him. I could not fathom choosing obedience at the risk of neglecting the wound of the perceived insecurity. I feared it would swallow me up. I see now that in the shame of my insecurity I justified the various ways I sinned against God to cope with it. I couldn't see the insecurity itself was a lie. God has been bringing me to a place that even when the old tapes of my mind play I am more fully persuaded that obedience is better. It is not worth throwing away my peace and joy of intimacy with God for a cheap trick. 

Valley of Humiliation

All my life to fill the void of insecurity I coveted greatness in various forms. Interesting that Jesus said, "If you want to become great in the Kingdom of God, you must be come a servant of all... you must become like a little child... you must serve the least of these." Jesus seemed to understand that our natural desire for greatness would trip us up in our walk with God and become a stumbling block to us. My life has been a pilgrimage to lay that desire for greatness down. I see now that for me yielding means to lay down all my plans to be perceived as great in people's eyes in exchange for being known as great in God's eyes. God is worth serving even if service means writing a blog at 2:15 am when He woke me up to do so, or be an encouraging friend, or forgiving from the heart.

As we grow in this yielded life we will experience the great exchange where the joys of the intimacy that Jesus had with the Father and Spirit will become ours. We will know love, joy, and peace in the Holy Spirit. God is so good, and loving, and kind, and gracious. He is worthy of my obedience which is born out of love, comes through faith, and is empowered by grace which was purchased for each of us on Calvary. 

To be clear, we are forgiven and justified the day we first believed but it takes a lifetime to bring us to a place of full surrender and even then it's a daily process. I pray that wherever each of us are on that journey that we will know He is worth the sacrifice of praise in surrendered obedience. We must also know that the struggle up leads us downward through the valley of humiliation. Jesus' goal has always been to do in us what He himself did for the world. To lay our lives down to be resurrected in the power of His Spirit.

May God's Spirit ready us even more speedily as we approach the end of our days for God's greatness and glory.

Open Doors

In Revelation we see the resurrected and glorious Savior knocking at the door of our hearts. He implores us that when we hear His voice to open the door and let Him in. At this point we might be tempted to make Him wait so as to clean our heart and make it more presentable for Him. This is a mistake. He is the only one that can cleanse us from our sin. He wants to come in and fellowship with us, feed us and cleanse us.

What is certainly not coincidental is that a few verses later in John says that after Jesus spoke John saw a door standing open in Heaven. The wonderful news is though the door of our hearts are initially closed to God, Jesus beckons us and when we open our hearts to Him in faith that our salvation is found in Him, we discover that the door to Heaven was already open to us through Him. In Jesus we have an open invitation to enter into the fullness of all God has for us, it is simply received in faith as we acknowledge our need of His saving grace in our lives.

_________________

Scriptures to Pray About

Faith comes from hearing... the Good News about Christ... Everyone who calls on the name of the Lord will be saved.

"Look! I stand at the door and knock. If you hear my voice and open the door, I will come in, and we will share a meal together as friends."

After this I looked, and there before me I saw a door standing open in heaven...

Romans 10 vs 17 & 13 -AND- Revelation 3:20 & 4:1

Dying to be Liked

Liking someone versus loving someone are distinctly different.

Liking someone is based in superficial outward qualities that can often change as suddenly as the wind of a changing mood or behavior--particularly in how much they in turn like me!

Love is deeper.

Love is grounded in the value of a person which is not dependent on their mood, behavior or how I am treated by them. Love behaves towards others in ways that considers their well-being even to the sacrifice of them liking you.

I realized last night that I spend a lot of time focused on the activity of liking--liking myself and liking others. Unfortunately this is very much dependent on my mood or how I perceive I'm being treated. It struck me that I've had it all backwards.

Better to work on the attitude and activity of love. I need to stop trying to be likable doing and trying to become what I perceive will make me attractive to myself or others. I want to become grounded in the knowledge that I am loved regardless of others values and judgments. The only thing that matters is our eternal value.

Knowing how much God values people (which includes me) and letting go of the fleeting attraction of being liked is how I can truly begin to love.

The attempt to be liked or as John calls it "the love of the world" is based in pride. Whereas the attitude and activity of love is grounded in humility. If God loves and values me and others, who am I to disagree with Him or treat anyone differently?

To strive towards liking and being liked is to exist in darkness and leads to death.

To love is to live in the light and be truly alive.

__________________________

Scripture to Pray About

Do not love this world nor the things it offers you, for when you love the world, you do not have the love of the Father in you. For the world offers only a craving for physical pleasure, a craving for everything we see, and pride in our achievements and possessions. These are not from the Father, but are from this world. And this world is fading away,along with everything that people crave. But anyone who does what pleases God will live forever.

This is real love—not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as a sacrifice to take away our sins.

1 John 2:15-17 -AND- 1 John 4:10 - New Living Translation