All You Need

A number of years ago I wrote on this topic, but I really felt I should write with fresh insight instead of publishing old dusty thoughts.
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Loneliness.

I have heard it said that loneliness is just as painful as physical pain. It is so painful in fact that as human beings we often will do anything to cope with the pain. Unfortunately, no amount of pain-killers actually addresses the pain.

On a scale of 1-10, how painful is loneliness for you?

What is your pain tolerance for loneliness?

For me, I thought I had managed to make it through life without experiencing loneliness too much, that is until I realized that in fact I had learned to tolerate loneliness through the art of distraction. However, from time to time, the pain comes roaring back like a flood with devastating and overwhelming intensity.

I have also sought to find comfort in God. At times it would seem I had found it. However, if I were to be honest, my experience should have shown me that in fact even my encounters with God provided temporary satisfaction at best.

How we manage desire seems to be a very core issue within spirituality. The most basic desire of course is to be loved.

Some people say the best way to manage desire is to pursue it. Period.

Others pursue desire as long as it doesn't hurt someone else.

Many try to manage it by completely becoming detached from it. Learn to just not care.

Many others try to manage their desires by trying to keep them under rigid control.

I've heard it said on more than one occasion, "We all have a God-shaped vacuum inside us that only God can fill." -or- "All you need is Jesus."

I have tried many of these approaches and frankly to me it seems each approach falls short of addressing the problem. The one I fall back on the most is a combination of trying to find fulfillment in religious experience and when that approach does not work, I throw myself into trying to fill the need myself through pleasure-seeking or by becoming clingy and possessive in my relationships. I swing back and forth like a pendulum from religiosity to pleasure seeking.

In theory the idea that God is all I need seems correct. The Bible teaches: God is love. God is the source of all life. God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. God is the giver of every good and perfect gift from above. Based on these statements it is clear that God would be the source of fulfillment, yet practically these statements strike me more as shallow cliches.

But Jesus also said, "Deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me." To my performance-oriented thinking, that sounds like the Rigid Control approach or maybe even the Detachment From Desire approach.

How to make sense of it all?

Last night was one of those nights where I felt overwhelmed with loneliness. It didn't really make sense since I had spent the whole day with friends. In the midst of the sadness, I cried out to God. I  asked God to fill that void inside me. Strangely, while I was actually very aware of God's presence with me, it did not satisfy that void inside me. I came to a realization that all my efforts to get my needs met did not help, this time not even from God. This was very difficult to process.

Finally, in the morning I felt that God spoke to my heart--

My dear son, sometimes there is no immediate comfort for the pain you feel. What you feel is that longing for that far country that will one day be your home. You know, that longing that CS Lewis wrote about. The truth is no one will find perfect fulfillment this side of eternity. King Solomon said, "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity... a chasing after the wind." He was right. Solomon felt your pain and I feel your pain, too, and believe me I understand. At times, I too suffered this loneliness.

My son, I really am all you need, but your broken heart cannot contain all you need. There are still arrows of the lies of rejection and shame that we also still need to pluck out. People also are unable to give you all the love you seek for they are finite. You must patiently trust me to fill you and sustain you with my grace in the right time. In your weakness my power and love is made perfect in you. You must learn to hold love with a loose grip. "Cast your bread on the waters and it will return to you after many days." Rejoice in the good that comes to your hands and make the choice to trust me to sustain you as you release the good when it is taken away. Love with an open heart and enjoy the gifts of love for as long as they are given to you. There is a time and season for everything.

In this world you will have trials and suffering. You will feel lonely. You will suffer rejection. You will feel needy and clingy. You will be tempted to give in to despair or drown your pain in false comfort. But one day--sooner than you think--I will give you the crown of life because you made me and not immediate gratification your treasure.

Can you hold on to me in the midst of the sadness? Can you keep your heart open to my loving presence in your life? I promise, whether you feel me or not, I will never leave you and I will never let you go. Those who put their trust in me will not be disappointed!