Those Lying Bastards

It's those same pesky demons of self-hatred, shame and insecurity again. Perhaps you're acquainted with them also? I can't figure out why I ever befriended them. Somehow they convinced me that they were there to help me and protect me in times of hurt and pain by "comforting" me with lies and self-pity.
 

"I'm not man enough."

"I'm not worthy, loveable or respectable."

"I'm unprotected."

"Nobody wants to be with me."

"One day I will just find out that I'm hugely mistaken."

"I never get it right."

"I'm on my own and will have to take care of myself."

Like an unwanted guest, when they've taken up residence I find it quite difficult to convince them to leave. At times I'm able to shove them out of the door, but I still hear the echo of their voices in the memory of my heart.

I'm quite tired. I know what's wrong. I've taken steps to challenge these lies with truth, but sometimes old "truth" based on the wounded logic of my past dies hard.

The discouraging thing are the setbacks. Hmm, setbacks just doesn't express the experience with strong enough language. Because what actually happens at times when I have a setback is that it triggers the old messages and those pesky illegitimate messengers seem to come in like a flood bringing their big brothers and uncles and the undertaker with them.

It is still a more common experience than I would like to admit. When the struggle seems so insurmountable it can be easy to give in to despair. The funny thing is I can't. I mean, I've tried to give up but God won't let me. I've experienced too much of God's love and light through Jesus that I've been ruined for giving into despair.

So as someone who stands often in the midst of the storm I offer hope. To those who feel bullied by those demoralizing and destructive lies, please know that you're not alone in the struggle. If life is a war (and the Bible says it is), then consider me your fellow soldier in the battle. 

Though we may be maimed, bruised and beat up, we won't give up! 

Somehow, I just know if we keep holding on to hope that hope will not disappoint us. So if we must struggle a bit longer, why not send some of those lying bastards running in Jesus' name and do all we can stand on the truth of who Jesus says and demonstrates we are.