May I Be Excused?

Does you think it noteworthy that Jesus never reprimanded the disciples' inability to bring about healing in someone's life by saying, "Truly, I say unto you, the reason this one has not been healed is because it is not the Father's will."?

However, he did lovingly reprimand them for other reasons for their ineffective ministry.

Yeah, it frustrates me, too, that he didn't explicitly leave that option as an excuse. Now I'm constantly wondering, "Is it my lack of faith as his vessel of healing or is it my lack of ability to discern his will/strategy?"

Either way I'm forced back in dependence on Jesus saying, "Lord, do you want to heal and set this person free or am I missing something?" I'm pretty sure I won't like his answer which will most certainly address some area of my heart needing an adjustment.

Annoying that I can't rely on my own understanding based on a set of neatly layed out rules instead of relying on the Lord. It would be far easier for me to deflect my responsibility than to face my own shortcomings and congratulate myself for a job undone instead.

Let it Go

I think God's character is often maligned because we really underestimate the importance of meekness. He could come in heavy-handed to restrict our choices to harm, thereby restricting our freedom to live and love to the fullest.

But he doesn't.

And I blame Him for giving us that freedom, especially when someone uses it to take that same freedom away from me. Yet even in the case of God, using power to rigidly control is still tyranny.

God is just and will hold us accountable for how we use our freedom, but He is not a tyrant and neither is he distant and untouched by our suffering.

Jesus is Immanuel--God with us. 

And He is saying, "Trust me, let go."

"Come to me all you who are weary and heavy laden. Learn from me for I am MEEK and humble of heart, and you will find rest for your souls."  --Matt 11:28-29

Inalienable Rights

We believe that all human beings have been given certain inalienable rights by our Creator.

Included in these rights are life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness. As citizens of America (and other democracies) we hold to this ideal as laid out in the Declaration of Independence or other social contracts. Probably the most controversial of these is liberty. The right to freely choose.

I believe God has given us the right to liberty, meaning that He will not prevent us from making choices--even bad choices, selfish choices, even harmful choices. God's love allows us to freely choose and when we chose badly, God's love saves us from the bondage of bad choice-making if we will look to Jesus--God who gave up His own rights as a human being.

Since we are free, let's not use our freedom to become subject to the yoke of slavery of control, manipulation and harm to get what we want. Let's be like our Father in Heaven who paid a high price so that all would freely and selflessly love.

This is the best yet also the most difficult choice to make. I choose wrongly quite often. In facing my own selfishness all I can do is throw myself on God's mercy and continually and as often as possible show others the same mercy I long for myself, especially when their choices are not in line with my preferences and infringe on my ability to choose. The most difficult are those times when I'm convinced I'm right and have God on my side.

Or do I?

For any believer in the God of our inalienable rights, choosing to grant someone else the right to liberty somehow seems less desirable than choosing to fight for my own.

All I Really Want

So often when we're having difficulty perceiving God's specific will for our lives it's because we're not clear or honest about what WE really want first.

It's important to be honest about what we really want so that when we approach God for direction we're not deceived into automatically embracing our unacknowledged desires which may attempt to masquerade as God's will. How can we hope to know God's will if we're not willing to admit what we're after. This is a form of double-mindedness (see James 1:5-8).

Once we're clear about what we want we can surrender that desire to God and trust Him with confidence that He will give us wisdom and direction regarding the matter we're seeking direction about.

Communicating what we want isn't an automatic guarantee that God will grant permission to pursue it, but in many cases if it's good then liberty and even favor, blessing, and grace will be granted. There is truly much more freedom with God than we could probably imagine. In fact it's precisely because we lack a sanctified imagination that we feel so restricted by God.

Understanding this also protects us from the mistake of getting trapped into a situation God is simply granting permission to pursue because it was what we wanted yet not necessarily what He would have required of us to do.

Being clear about what we want and submitting these to our Father protects us also from moving out and fighting the wrong battles as we begin to understand the motivations of why we want to fight the battle in the first place.

Opening up to God provides God an opportunity to dialogue with us not only about whether we should or shouldn't but also understanding our motives for why we want to.

Being honest about what we want is operating in relationship with our Father as Jesus taught us, with the faith of a child. Children are really good at being honest about what they want. And good children fully trust their parents with the knowledge of what they want. It's operating from a place of vulnerability, transparency and trust.

So God, what I want is to keep kidding myself into believing that all I really want is to do your will. And we both know that's not entirely true. It may be true that I am striving to do your will but the truth is that sometimes what you want is not always my first natural choice.
Here's the model from Jesus:

Honesty: Father if possible take this cup from me, 

Surrender: but not my will but yours be done.

Now This!

I'm not into generating fear.

There is a lot of fear mongering taking place on the news, on the web and even from the pulpit! However I am very much in favor of assessing our present situation and setting expectations for the future appropriately AND helping people understand God's goodness, love and sovereignty and to have hope even if the worst were to happen so that unbelief, fear and despair has no place in
our hearts.

I have peace not because of certainty that the worst won't happen but because of certainty that the best is yet to come when the worst has had its final day!

It disturbs me how some seemed to have bought into the idea that certain disasters could never befall us on our own national soil even though these terrible things are already happening to good people around the world. Jesus said "all these things must happen and then the end will come."

I really don't know if the worst worst will happen at this time. But just to reframe things, perhaps the worst is already happening and we're so caught up in our "happy" lives we don't know how miserably desperate the world and our country really is. We have become numb to it all and anesthetize ourselves with various coping behaviors including watching fear mongering news which essentially helps us believe, "It's not so bad now because it could always be worse."

Friends, even if another difficult thing never visits our land aren't the atrocities already occurring in terms of gang violence, rape, abortions, sex and physical abuse, racism, human trafficking, murder, drug wars as well as the World Wars and "conflicts" which have already occurred bad enough? How bad do we need it to be before we wake up and realize disaster is already upon us! We are in desperate need for God's deliverance and salvation and frankly I hope and believe out of God's great LOVE He will soon bring it to an end. But know this, that God's final resolution may look like the "all these things" Jesus was talking about. Other than Jesus' first coming on the earth, it would be God's most definitive and loving act this world had ever experienced on a global scale. It is the day when He will finally say, "Enough!"

Some may call this fear mongering and it would be--except that my focus is on the hope for a better day than the one we're already facing today.
 

Fierce Determination

There comes a point in every boy's life when he crosses into the deep waters of becoming a man. During his childhood and adolescence he watches his father model strength, character, discipline, love and joy. He benefits by grace all of the noble qualities his father possesses. 

Yet also, by grace his father begins to recognize that critical time in his son's life when the boy must step into and develop those qualities within himself. His father then will begin to shift from a place of modeling to a place of discipline. It would be entirely unloving and negligent for his father to do anything less for his son.

The boy has been given a body which has the incredible ability to increase exponentially in power, strength and creativity. That is grace. As the boy grows however, he may choose to remain immobile on the couch. He may mature in some ways but will not develop his full potential. A good father will correct and discipline his son and a wise son will embrace and step into the grace of a disciplined life.

The process in our spiritual life is the same.

By grace we have been saved and this is not of ourselves but truly is a gift from God through what was accomplished on our behalf on the cross. It is not by our own efforts that we are saved lest we get proud and think we have accomplished something without God. By grace we are also made mature in purity and love and holiness. By grace God fully intends for us as our loving and attentive father to willingly step into and develop those qualities of which He has paid a great price for us to have. I have to admit, for too long I insisted on laying passively on the couch refusing to grow into the strength God intends for me to have. I am discovering that God is fiercely determined that I would be sanctified and chastened until I am fully changed into that which He made me to be--because of His great love for me.

Am I ready? Will I kick and scream that my life is not comfortable enough? Will I resent my Father's discipline? Or will I embrace with fierce determination adversity and testing as an opportunity to step into the glory my Father has waiting for those who overcome and persevere to the end.

Hebrews 12:11

Tombs & Wombs

You were a caterpillar. You are becoming a butterfly. The becoming won't be easy because the caterpillar must die in order for the butterfly to emerge. For the caterpillar the cocoon is a tomb. For the butterfly the cocoon is a womb. It is difficult for you to imagine what it means to be a butterfly. It is difficult for you to understand what it means to become. It is terrifying to think that in becoming you must die. All I can offer to you is a promise--

There is no sacrifice you can make that can compare to the glory, joy and fulfillment that is to be revealed when that butterfly emerges from the tomb.

Romans 8:18, 2 Corinthians 3:18, Galatians 2:20, Colossians 3:3

Grace Wants You

Grace does not redefine wrong as right, but it does redefine sinners as righteous. Grace does not remove the law, but stoops down to carry the weight of it on our behalf. Grace looks kindly upon our weaknesses and strengthens us to do what we cannot do on our own. Grace does not remove every consequence for bad choices yet it does not withhold blessing in the face of imperfection. Grace is more interested in blessing us for any good reason rather than cursing us when we miss the mark. Grace says that we are worth being loved even though we've done nothing to earn it. Changing does not make us deserving of Grace, rather Grace deems us worthy of change and lovingly disciplines us to bring that change about. Grace is sometimes willing to allow us to suffer for our greatest good. Grace is sober-minded and does not sugarcoat our existence but speaks the truth in love. Grace is more interested in our eternal joy rather than our temporary comfort or gratification.

Grace wants me more than I want Grace.

All You Need

A number of years ago I wrote on this topic, but I really felt I should write with fresh insight instead of publishing old dusty thoughts.
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Loneliness.

I have heard it said that loneliness is just as painful as physical pain. It is so painful in fact that as human beings we often will do anything to cope with the pain. Unfortunately, no amount of pain-killers actually addresses the pain.

On a scale of 1-10, how painful is loneliness for you?

What is your pain tolerance for loneliness?

For me, I thought I had managed to make it through life without experiencing loneliness too much, that is until I realized that in fact I had learned to tolerate loneliness through the art of distraction. However, from time to time, the pain comes roaring back like a flood with devastating and overwhelming intensity.

I have also sought to find comfort in God. At times it would seem I had found it. However, if I were to be honest, my experience should have shown me that in fact even my encounters with God provided temporary satisfaction at best.

How we manage desire seems to be a very core issue within spirituality. The most basic desire of course is to be loved.

Some people say the best way to manage desire is to pursue it. Period.

Others pursue desire as long as it doesn't hurt someone else.

Many try to manage it by completely becoming detached from it. Learn to just not care.

Many others try to manage their desires by trying to keep them under rigid control.

I've heard it said on more than one occasion, "We all have a God-shaped vacuum inside us that only God can fill." -or- "All you need is Jesus."

I have tried many of these approaches and frankly to me it seems each approach falls short of addressing the problem. The one I fall back on the most is a combination of trying to find fulfillment in religious experience and when that approach does not work, I throw myself into trying to fill the need myself through pleasure-seeking or by becoming clingy and possessive in my relationships. I swing back and forth like a pendulum from religiosity to pleasure seeking.

In theory the idea that God is all I need seems correct. The Bible teaches: God is love. God is the source of all life. God is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him. God is the giver of every good and perfect gift from above. Based on these statements it is clear that God would be the source of fulfillment, yet practically these statements strike me more as shallow cliches.

But Jesus also said, "Deny yourself, pick up your cross and follow me." To my performance-oriented thinking, that sounds like the Rigid Control approach or maybe even the Detachment From Desire approach.

How to make sense of it all?

Last night was one of those nights where I felt overwhelmed with loneliness. It didn't really make sense since I had spent the whole day with friends. In the midst of the sadness, I cried out to God. I  asked God to fill that void inside me. Strangely, while I was actually very aware of God's presence with me, it did not satisfy that void inside me. I came to a realization that all my efforts to get my needs met did not help, this time not even from God. This was very difficult to process.

Finally, in the morning I felt that God spoke to my heart--

My dear son, sometimes there is no immediate comfort for the pain you feel. What you feel is that longing for that far country that will one day be your home. You know, that longing that CS Lewis wrote about. The truth is no one will find perfect fulfillment this side of eternity. King Solomon said, "Vanity of vanities, all is vanity... a chasing after the wind." He was right. Solomon felt your pain and I feel your pain, too, and believe me I understand. At times, I too suffered this loneliness.

My son, I really am all you need, but your broken heart cannot contain all you need. There are still arrows of the lies of rejection and shame that we also still need to pluck out. People also are unable to give you all the love you seek for they are finite. You must patiently trust me to fill you and sustain you with my grace in the right time. In your weakness my power and love is made perfect in you. You must learn to hold love with a loose grip. "Cast your bread on the waters and it will return to you after many days." Rejoice in the good that comes to your hands and make the choice to trust me to sustain you as you release the good when it is taken away. Love with an open heart and enjoy the gifts of love for as long as they are given to you. There is a time and season for everything.

In this world you will have trials and suffering. You will feel lonely. You will suffer rejection. You will feel needy and clingy. You will be tempted to give in to despair or drown your pain in false comfort. But one day--sooner than you think--I will give you the crown of life because you made me and not immediate gratification your treasure.

Can you hold on to me in the midst of the sadness? Can you keep your heart open to my loving presence in your life? I promise, whether you feel me or not, I will never leave you and I will never let you go. Those who put their trust in me will not be disappointed!

Those Lying Bastards

It's those same pesky demons of self-hatred, shame and insecurity again. Perhaps you're acquainted with them also? I can't figure out why I ever befriended them. Somehow they convinced me that they were there to help me and protect me in times of hurt and pain by "comforting" me with lies and self-pity.
 

"I'm not man enough."

"I'm not worthy, loveable or respectable."

"I'm unprotected."

"Nobody wants to be with me."

"One day I will just find out that I'm hugely mistaken."

"I never get it right."

"I'm on my own and will have to take care of myself."

Like an unwanted guest, when they've taken up residence I find it quite difficult to convince them to leave. At times I'm able to shove them out of the door, but I still hear the echo of their voices in the memory of my heart.

I'm quite tired. I know what's wrong. I've taken steps to challenge these lies with truth, but sometimes old "truth" based on the wounded logic of my past dies hard.

The discouraging thing are the setbacks. Hmm, setbacks just doesn't express the experience with strong enough language. Because what actually happens at times when I have a setback is that it triggers the old messages and those pesky illegitimate messengers seem to come in like a flood bringing their big brothers and uncles and the undertaker with them.

It is still a more common experience than I would like to admit. When the struggle seems so insurmountable it can be easy to give in to despair. The funny thing is I can't. I mean, I've tried to give up but God won't let me. I've experienced too much of God's love and light through Jesus that I've been ruined for giving into despair.

So as someone who stands often in the midst of the storm I offer hope. To those who feel bullied by those demoralizing and destructive lies, please know that you're not alone in the struggle. If life is a war (and the Bible says it is), then consider me your fellow soldier in the battle. 

Though we may be maimed, bruised and beat up, we won't give up! 

Somehow, I just know if we keep holding on to hope that hope will not disappoint us. So if we must struggle a bit longer, why not send some of those lying bastards running in Jesus' name and do all we can stand on the truth of who Jesus says and demonstrates we are.