Valentine Wishes

Today marks the anniversary of my first unofficial date with my former wife.

It was February 13th that we went out on a Just Friends Valentine's date, since we decided neither of us singles should be alone for Valentine's.  We decided to be practical and go out the night before to avoid the crowds and long waits at the restaurants on Valentine's day. We went to Asheville and had the worst time finding parking and then I was freaking out because we didn't have coins for the parking meter. We were literally freezing our butts off trying to find any establishment that could provide change for the meter. 

We went and had crepes that were very disappointing because they were awfully NOT authentic. We went to a bar and listened to live folk music. We skipped like kids in love down the street holding hands pretending we were in love and laughing ridiculously hard as we skipped. And as we did we didn't realize it at first but we had fallen stupid hard in love.

That was not supposed to happen. I was considerably older AND I was same sex attracted and had no intention on pursuing anything at the time. That's why I agreed to the Just Friends Valentine's date in the first place! So we wouldn't be alone! I brought her chocolate and a Valentine. And to my great surprise she had written sweet little notes on tiny heart shaped cut-outs that literally brought tears to my eyes. So sweet and precious. Still is!

The day we realized we were in love a couple days later a dear friend asked her a question that quite surprised her. She said, "Would you want to have another Valentine's with him?" Her answer, "I want to spend all of them with him!"

I miss her terribly.

I called her today and didn't even realize until after our conversation that it was THIS anniversary. We talk periodically because frankly we still care for each other in spite of the issues that are stirred up between us, my issues not hers.

To speak with her can be painful for the grief of losing her and yet I wouldn't trade the opportunity for anything. I have no way to explain how I feel for her in spite of the conflict of what I've been carrying within me that brought about the demise of our marriage.

I'm so glad I was able to speak with her today and grateful that she is carrying on well.

Happy Valentine's, my dearest.